It has been over a year since we last saw Pam's "family". In all honesty, it should not be called a family. Regardless, the good news is we have not visited them and they have not come to visit us.The bad news is that Becky has sent cards. Becky is Pam's "mother." Again she is only a mother is the very strict biological definition. Becky resents Pam, and their unresolved conflict is at the heart of our dispute. So, Becky sent a card at Valentine's Day to Jack. I got the mail, saw the card, and decided it was more stupid bullshit from Becky. I put the card away thinking I would do something with it later. I did not. Months passed and I forgot about the card. It is very easy for me to put Becky out of my consciousness.
Then after months of happiness came Mother's Day. Pam felt like she had to call her Mom for Mother's Day. I was opposed to any contact. In my view Becky and the Ebola virus need to be handled the same, the less contact the better. Pam called Becky for a very short conversation that met all the requirements of "A call on Mother's Day". Again, on Father's Day, Pam felt like she needed to call her Dad. I like Pam's father, Jim, and feel sorry for him. He is married to Becky after all. I did not agree with calling him for Father's Day. Regardless, Pam called, Becky was screening calls, and Pam went to voice mail. Pam left a message and never heard back. Jim either feels he has no role as Pam's father or was fearful of calling back. It is difficult to understand, being a father myself, how Jim views this situation.
Then Jack started Kindergarten. Becky sent another card. Crap! I took the card and put it away with the Valentine card for Jack. I still did not have a resolution as to how to handle these cards. Like spent nuclear fuel rods, I decided out of sight was out of mind. I was committed to dealing with them later, whenever that was.
Next came "The Birthdays". Jack and Pam have the same date for their Birthday, October 12. Becky called our home phone which was linked and transferred to my mobile phone. We were at the Ritz Carlton on Maui for "The Birthdays". Jack answered, "Hi Becky". I was so proud of him. Jack has almost forgotten who Becky is. I refer to her as "Becky" and he knows the name much like small children know that Satan is evil even if they have never seen him. Pam and Becky talked briefly and Pam told Becky we will be having a second son next April. Then good bye. No card was sent and nothing more happened.
Yesterday, a Christmas card came for Jack from Becky. Crap, again! I found the card and decided that I needed to resolve this card issue. I had a choice of hiding this card with the others, or, discussing this with Pam. I believe, as mentioned above, that zero contact with Becky is the best course of action. I see these cards as Becky's attempt to use the emotion of a holiday or event to continue to make her point. That is: She is unwilling to discuss Pam's concerns and will continue to gossip about us among family members. The cards come addressed to Jack or Pam with no mention of my name. It is Becky's way of saying that I do not exist. But, I do.
Becky makes this dispute about me. It is not. Pam had conflicts and concerns with Becky prior to meeting me. I have only provided the support for her to voice these concerns. I see Becky for the self centered, status seeking gossip that she really is. In pointing out Becky's obvious character flaws, I have given Pam the confidence to express her own concern. Becky refuses to discuss these concerns with Pam.
So I gave the cards to Pam. I told her she needs to resolve this dispute with Becky. Pam agrees and is sending a letter to Becky asking her to meet and talk. Now it is up to Becky. Is she half the mother she thinks she is?
