Stop it Daddy......be nice

Somebody must have told Jack, my son, that he wasn't being nice. He suffers from the same behavior as his father and sisters. Now his new favorite phase is to tell me to be nice. Shouldn't we all be nice? Wouldn't it be nice, if everyone was nice? So what's the problem? I think I am nice. At least I try real hard to be nice.

I'm caught in a balance between being nice and getting what I want and need for myself and my family. I learned a long time ago that I have a very aggressive personality. I come from a tough family who grew up poor and only survived because they refused to take crap. As a kid my Dad could not find a job. During Prohibition, he and his brothers rode "shotgun" on liquor trucks from Chicago to East St. Louis. It really was "shot gun".... not across from the driver. When World War two came, he was drafted to go kill Japanese. I asked once if he was scared. He said, "yes, we took a ship across the pacific ocean to land on Okinawa....and I couldn't swim." My Dad was a Drill Sargent and one of the toughest guys who ever lived. My mother was just a little tougher. When she died, we found $80,000 in cash and two loaded handguns in her dresser. She was always prepared. One of her favorite sayings was to ask "who's ass do I have to kiss to get what I want?"

I've made some mistakes. As a Boy Scout I stabbed the Assistant Scout Master for beating up another kid. The Boy Scouts said that wasn't nice. My friend, Tim, thought it was nice that I defended him. Another kid, on another day, took our football while we were playing. That led to a fight. I choked him unconscious and the Nuns said I wasn't nice. I did get the football back.

I've had bosses who thought I wasn't nice because I stood up for myself and my employees. When I have been lied to, I have made it clear how unhappy I was. I may have threatened to kill people at work two or three times. I was told I wasn't nice for telling coworkers I would kill them. Still, it did get results. I have had ex-wives and girl friends who said I wasn't nice. They forget to say that I left them.....they did not leave me. If I am so bad.....why did they want to be with me?

I have never really cared about winning the "homecoming queen contest". I realize my style is not popular. I can live with it. I think I am complex and not easily understood. I'm nice when people care about me and work with me. I don't like to be treated badly, lied to, or insulted. I can and will defend myself, my family, friends, and stray dogs from abuse.

Over the last 10 years I have worked to be nicer. I love my children and Pam. I want them to be happy and I try really hard to be nice to them. They are not always nice to me. The biggest issue has been mobile phones. I have bought and paid cell phone bills. Still it is almost impossible to call my children and have them answer. It is frustrating.

There is something inside me that makes me feel the way I feel. I'm sure Kate, Meredith, Colleen, and Jack understand. They feel it too and do not know what to do to solve it. We have an internal compass that points to the right thing to do. When we, or those we care about, are offended, we respond. We can not help ourselves. The response can lead to escalated aggressive behavior. Some times this isn't nice. I does get results.

So, I am trying to be nice. I want to get along. As I get older it has been more difficult. A couple of years ago I was at the mall trying to Park. I waited for a car to pull out, only to have a kid cut in front of me to take the parking spot. When he got out of the car I told him he should be more careful. Stealing parking spots might get him hurt. He told me, "IF you weren't such and old guy, I would kick your ass." I got out of the car and told him, "It's OK, I don't mind" He locked himself in his car and called 911. I told him I would wait for the police to come and see who they believe....a punk ass kid or an "old guy". He drove off and I got the spot. That was NICE.